Chapter 62
Chapter 62: Calcium Supplement Mood Lighting
It was already late at night when they got back from the Bureau.
Lin Jianyuan wobbled a little, and his roommate reached out a helpful intestine to steady him.
Lin Jianyuan glanced back.
“Even though it’s not the first time...” Lin Jianyuan scratched his head, staring a little dazed at their front door, “I still think teleportation is incredible.”
Thank god for teleportation.
Otherwise, the subway and buses would all be done for the night.
And there’s no shared bikes out in the sticks.
That would leave calling a rideshare.
And the driver might not even come out here—every serial killer knows this is prime dumping ground.
You’d have to offer extra money and pray they’d take the job.
But it’s so remote, and fares skyrocket after midnight. Who knows how much a ride back would cost for dozens of kilometers...
Wait, no—almost forgot, I’m on the government payroll now. Our family makes three million a year. Maybe we should get two cars, one for me, one for my wife—no, wait, my wife can teleport. Does he even need a car? Hold on, can he drive?
Can my wife get a license?
She’s got an ID now, so can she take the test?
Lin Jianyuan got lost in thought.
His brain: Forget it. That’s just ridiculous.
“Wife, wife.” Lin Jianyuan dropped the weird questions in a flash, happily grabbing his roommate’s duodenum. “Come here! I want to show you something!”
“What is it?” His roommate’s lips curled in a sweet smile. “You’ve given me so many surprises these days. So many I can hardly take any more.”
Woohoo! Wife!
He hadn’t even shown the surprise yet, and his emotional value was already maxed out!
Wife! His wife!
How could his wife be this perfect!
Lin Jianyuan, grinning, pulled a little toy from his laptop bag.
He hadn’t brought this one to the Bureau earlier—a social-anxiety Lego.
The social-anxiety Lego trembled in fear.
Under the gaze of an S-class Aberrant and its S-class Aberrant partner, even its voice quivered.
“H-h-h-h-hello!”
The vertebrae didn’t have a throat, but its vocal cords were getting massaged by a fascia gun.
Lin Jianyuan looked around, suspicious. “Is there a crowd in here?”
“Eep!” The social-anxiety vertebrae didn’t have a mouth, but still managed to choke on its own spit. “S-s-s-sorry! I didn’t mean that!”
“All right, I’ll stop teasing you.”
Lin Jianyuan was in a great mood tonight. He pinched the vertebra’s spinous process and said, “Lego, Lego! Start the calcium supplement!”
“Happy to serve!”
The Pavlovian vertebrae snapped to attention and shouted on reflex.
“What is it? What do you want to show me?”
His roommate tilted his “head,” resting his chin on his hand.
Lin Jianyuan ran to the front door.
He flicked off the light.
The apartment went dark.
Their cramped little rental fell into shadow.
Tiny white lights, like bioluminescent spores, quietly bloomed under the moonlight.
“Hehe, isn’t it—oof!” Lin Jianyuan tried to walk over in the dark and banged straight into the table.
Before he could fall, a length of intestine shot out.
It caught him, steady and sure.
Lin Jianyuan blinked into the dark.
The vertebrae’s faint glow wasn’t enough to see by.
He had to follow his roommate’s intestine, inching along by touch.
“...Isn’t it pretty?”
Lin Jianyuan fumbled his way to sit beside his roommate.
He heard his roommate’s soft laugh in the dark.
His roommate didn’t say a word.
Lin Jianyuan had expected him to gush, to say “so pretty” or something sweet.
But he said nothing.
He just laughed.
That low voice had a strange, sultry edge in the dark.
...Something felt off.
Lin Jianyuan felt his cheeks grow warm.
He realized that ever since his roommate’s secret came out, something had changed.
He wasn’t so clueless and innocent anymore...
He was getting more and more...
“Mmm...”
Before he could react, his mouth was covered.
His roommate slipped in like a snake, gently prying him open.
Lin Jianyuan felt like a clam being devoured.
“Mmmph, mm...”
For a moment, Lin Jianyuan felt dizzy, but some last scrap of reason made him struggle.
His roommate understood.
The intestines snaked into Lin Jianyuan’s pockets, pulled out all the little toys, opened the bedroom door, and tossed them inside.
The toys screamed in a riot of color.
Only the social-anxiety mood lamp was left in the dark living room.
The calcium supplement lamp, left behind on purpose: “QAQ!!!”
Don’t leave me behind!!!
You two might be having a moment, but could you please think of the socially anxious for once!!!
...No, wait.
Lin Jianyuan was kissed until he felt lightheaded and limp, starved for air.
His roommate cradled his head and waist, something winding around him in tight coils.
Pulling him closer.
Kissing him deeper.
Swallowing him whole.
No... Lin Jianyuan’s thoughts slowed, drifting.
How did he understand...
He only...murmured a couple times...
How did his roommate know what he was...mm...trying to say...
So weird.
So weird.
Ah, right.
Maybe it’s because his roommate was eating his mouth.
His roommate had said, if he ate his mouth, he could know what he was thinking...
So now he...mm...had...mm, no secrets left...
Oh no...
Oh no...but it’s kind of funny...
Eating someone’s mouth reveals their secrets...that’s hilarious...
Lin Jianyuan’s head spun, the lack of oxygen making his vision swim.
But he couldn’t help smiling.
His roommate suddenly stopped.
“Breathe.”
His roommate pinched his lips.
With a voice that was a little unfamiliar.
But so deep and amused it made his scalp tingle.
“Why are you holding your breath again?”
Lin Jianyuan just stared, stunned.
Not until his roommate bit his lip and blew air into his parted mouth did he snap out of it.
Lin Jianyuan came back to himself in a flash.
And instantly turned beet red!
“You’re so dazed from my kiss, huh?”
His roommate laughed again.
Maybe it was the darkness, but his roommate’s voice was soft.
So soft it felt like he was whispering right in his ear.
Wet and warm, it scratched at his eardrum.
Lin Jianyuan shivered, itching, and scooted back, unable to take it.
“Don’t move. You’ll fall.”
Even so, he reached out with his intestines.
Who knows how many intestines wove together into a soft chair, cradling Lin Jianyuan’s back.
Lin Jianyuan: "...Pfft."
Good thing it was dark. Just picturing it was enough to make him crack up.
Nope.
Even in the dark, it was hilarious!
“Hahaha...” Lin Jianyuan couldn’t stop laughing as he patted the intestine-chair.
“?” His roommate didn’t get it, poking his face with a duodenum in the dark.
“What’s so funny?”
“Don’t you think it’s funny? Hahahaha...”
“So what are you laughing at?”
“You made me a rattan chair out of intestines—intestine rattan chair—hahahaha!”
“That’s that funny?”
“Hahaha, you usually laugh at anything, how come not now—hahaha, I can’t take it—I can’t stop—this is too funny, really too funny—hahaha...”
“Stop laughing!” His roommate’s liver and pancreas scrambled to catch him. “You’re really going to fall!”
Lin Jianyuan shook with laughter.
All the organs wrapped around him quivered too.
His roommate sighed, helpless.
“When did you learn to sigh?” Lin Jianyuan hugged him tight.
He suddenly realized his wife’s body could turn into a rocking chair.
Or a swing.
Something like that, anyway.
He could hold his wife, feet off the floor, swaying gently.
Fun.
His roommate said, “I learned it from you.”
Lin Jianyuan: “Of all things to learn, why sighing?”
His roommate: “Then what should I learn?”
“Learn to tell me you love me every day. Learn to wake up and say, ‘Honey, you’re even more handsome today.’”
His roommate’s flowery intestines shook with laughter. “You’ve never said that in your life!”
Lin Jianyuan: “I don’t care!”
His roommate: “You don’t care?”
Lin Jianyuan: “Nope!”
“All right then.” His roommate smiled, exasperated, and gave a soft sigh. Then he leaned in, lips brushing Lin Jianyuan’s earlobe, and whispered, “Honey...”
Lin Jianyuan’s eyes went wide in the dark.
“Honey, today you’re even...ah—”
Lin Jianyuan suddenly flailed in panic.
Bang!
The digestive system didn’t catch him in time, and Lin Jianyuan landed flat on his butt!
“What happened?” His roommate rushed over with an intestine, trying to check where he’d landed. “Did it hurt?”
“No, no!” Lin Jianyuan’s breath came fast, his face burning, but inside he felt a strange fear.
It was a fear he couldn’t name, one that made him...
Excited.
Lin Jianyuan’s heart pounded, lips dry, throat tight.
Worse, he couldn’t even say what else was happening to him.
But he was scared.
He didn’t know why, or what he was afraid of.
Something strange churned in his gut, hot and taut, burning like a flame.
That was what scared him.
But he didn’t dare think about it.
His human reason felt stretched to the breaking point.
Panic rose up, instinctive.
But excitement kept surging, out of control.
Something deep in his throat trembled with anticipation.
He wanted to swallow, to fill that emptiness.
He wanted to forget everything, to burn up every scrap of reason.
He was afraid of how much he wanted.
“...What’s wrong?”
His roommate didn’t understand, and followed.
“N-nothing.”
Lin Jianyuan blushed furiously in the dark, grateful he’d turned the lights off.
His roommate reached out a duodenum, aiming for his face.
Hey!
Stop right there, intestine!
No way am I letting you touch my fried-egg face!
Lin Jianyuan bolted for the bathroom. “I need a shower, I stink!”
Roommate: “?”
Stink?
Do I stink?
His roommate tilted his “head.”
Sniff, sniff.
Sniff, sniff.
Nope, no stink.
All he could smell was the scent of Lin Jianyuan’s pheromones.
……
...
When Lin Jianyuan came out, his roommate had turned on the lights.
The bright lights calmed him down.
And seeing his wife in full daylight made him even calmer.
After all...it was a digestive system.
He’d been diagnosed as crazy before, but Lin Jianyuan wasn’t actually insane.
The fact that he could even kiss his digestive-system wife meant he was head over heels.
Anything more than that would be...well, way too much.
He felt like there was a psychological wall in front of him.
It wasn’t that he was being dramatic.
It was more like a self-preservation instinct.
Like how a normal person, even with a knife to their finger, couldn’t bring themselves to cut.
Even for two million, they still couldn’t do it.
That’s self-preservation.
Luckily, his wife didn’t seem to have any ideas in that direction either.
Lin Jianyuan watched his wife lying on the bed, swinging him appendix and scrolling social media, and felt relieved.
Thank god his wife was pure, clueless, and innocent!
His adorable wife would never think about that sort of thing!
Leave it for another day!
Anything further could wait!
Freshly showered and sweet-smelling, Lin Jianyuan dove onto the bed and hugged his wife.
If he let go for even a minute, his wife went cool and soft again.
Woohoo! So nice to squeeze!
They cuddled and played on the bed for a while.
Getting ready to turn off the lights and sleep.
Before bed, Lin Jianyuan remembered his phone had been buzzing. He checked it.
Sure enough, there were tons of unread messages.
Aside from work stuff, most were colleagues checking in on him in every way possible.
And a bunch of nonsense from the landlord.
The gist: rent’s going up! Next month!
If you don’t like it, move out!
Lin Jianyuan decisively opened the rental app.
Then, on a whim, opened the real estate app.
He scrolled through listings, happy as could be, until he remembered he only had two thousand in his bank account.
Lin Jianyuan: "."
What day does the Bureau pay, again?
“We’re so broke, honey.” Lin Jianyuan put down his phone, sighing. “Maybe we should just grab that Delirium guy from last time, turn him in, and ask the Bureau for an advance.”
“Ah, but I already threw him away...”
Lin Jianyuan: “Where?”
“About 800 kilometers away? I don’t remember.”
“Forget it. I have to go to work at the Bureau tomorrow anyway. If it gets too bad, I’ll just crash in the break room for a few days.”
Meanwhile.
750 kilometers away.
Shi Shaoning, yanked out on another emergency assignment, sat in a helicopter.
He roared into his headset, furious.
“Why is it always me! Are you insane? Eight hundred kilometers! You’re sending a helicopter eight hundred kilometers just to drag me out here!”
“Are we really that short-staffed? What do you mean I have experience dealing with Delirium? All I did was spray insect repellent! What kind of combat experience is that!”
“If you want me dead, just shoot me already instead of working me to death in a helicopter! I swear, I’ll die right now just to show you! I’m not kidding! I’ll jump out of this helicopter right now! I’ll die just to make a point!!!”
Last updated