Chapter 64

Chapter 64: The Old Fox Knows All the Tricks

"S-sir, where are you taking me...?"

The anxious little Lego was on the verge of tears.

"Are you going to lock me up? Are you taking me to containment... to the containment zone?"

The tiny white Lego scrambled desperately up Lin Jianyuan’s sleeve, its jagged edges scratching his wrist.

Lin Jianyuan pried it out and soothed, "Don't be afraid. That's not it."

The anxious Lego trembled violently.

His roommate turned his "head" slightly, casting it a silent glance.

The Lego froze at once.

"Don't scare it," Lin Jianyuan said with a laugh, giving his roommate's gallbladder a gentle squeeze. "It's already frightened enough. Don't make it worse."

The gallbladder puffed up a little, as if secreting a bit of unhappy bile.

But then it nudged his palm in a sulky way.

"Why do you call it a 'person'?" his roommate grumbled. "It's just a bone."

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

Is that really the point?

So you really are trying to intimidate it!

That made Lin Jianyuan laugh even harder. He pulled his roommate into his arms and gave him a vigorous rub.

"Baby, how are you so cute? All right, all right, it's not a person, not a person~"

Passing bureau staff: "..."

They quickly turned away or hid behind folders.

Don't look! You'll get brain pollution!

Lin Jianyuan headed straight for the director's office.

The director was on the phone, his tone as gentle as a father coaxing his son.

But from the other end came furious yelling.

No mistaking it—that was Shi Shaoning.

"Yes, yes, vacation, you have to take a break this time... Mm, yes, yes, if you don't I'll chop my own head off and let you use it for soccer. I'm serious, not just saying it. I'm already filling out the transfer paperwork, we'll bring in other A-class fighters while you're off. I promise, we won't call you, absolutely won't, even if the sky falls, we won't..."

Lin Jianyuan couldn't help twitching at the corner of his mouth.

He remembered his own days of endless overtime and felt a deep kinship with that exhaustion.

When the director saw him, he said into the phone, "All right, that's enough. Lin and Xie Yu are here to see me. Yes, that's right, our little dual-income couple has arrived."

Lin Jianyuan: "~~~"

Empathy: gone.

His mouth curled up into a hook in an instant.

The director hung up. Lin Jianyuan, never good at bureaucratic small talk, wasn't sure how to start.

But then he realized there was no need for pleasantries.

So he got straight to the point: "Director, I have a few more Aberrants with me. Could you cancel their warrants as well? I'll bring them in for registration right away."

The director rubbed his hands. "Well, Lin, I need to explain how these warrants work. It's not as simple as you think..."

"My wife can erase the marks."

The director stopped rubbing his hands.

He hadn’t gotten to his position by playing dumb.

He understood Lin Jianyuan at once, his expression turning serious.

"Lin, Aberrants must be contained. Shi Shaoning should have explained the rules and protocols. This is the bureau's most important principle," the director said sternly.

Lin Jianyuan frowned, ready to argue, but the director changed tack the next second.

"But then again," the director said, "the Aberrants in your care have all behaved themselves."

Lin Jianyuan caught on at once and set the anxious Lego on the table. "They're all well-behaved. Look at Bone Sonata—it's nothing more than a decorative mood lamp now."

The Lego shuddered.

Lin Jianyuan shot it a warning look.

The Lego trembled and started absorbing calcium.

"It can even take calcium supplements."

Director: "???"

The director's face went from shocked to utterly floored.

"Calcium supplements?!"

"Yes," Lin Jianyuan said. "Bone Sonata collects and controls calcium. It's extremely socially anxious, so it won't show itself. If someone comes close, it overdoses them on calcium, turning them into bone sculptures. It's actually pretty simple, and reversible. I already had it restore those fighters just now."

Director: "..."

"Anyway, since it met me, it's just been a stress toy and a lamp. It hasn't hurt anyone since. As for mental contamination..."

Lin Jianyuan glanced at the Lego.

"Eek!" The Lego squawked like a rubber chicken, stammering, "M-my contaminants have already been neutralized! I won't spread anything! Really, I won't! I'm well-behaved!"

Lin Jianyuan pressed his mobile terminal to the Lego.

The built-in detector showed a contaminant level of zero.

He turned to the director. "It's neutralized. The contaminants have been solidified by Xie Yu's digestive fluid. That's why the bureau couldn't identify it."

"No wonder we couldn't find it, no matter what we tried." The director steepled his fingers under his chin, leaning forward, his gaze sharp. "So what are you asking for?"

"The bureau requires Aberrants to be contained. But what exactly does 'containment' mean?"

"If it's been neutralized and can't hurt anyone, doesn't that count as containment?"

The director stared at him in silence.

The air grew heavy, a thin frost settling on Lin Jianyuan's skin, pressing down in silence.

Xie Yu stepped forward quietly.

Ghostly, flesh-pink shadows flickered across the walls and ceiling.

The director was silent for a long time.

Suddenly, he smiled.

"Lin Jianyuan, have you finished your orientation training?"

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

Huh? Why bring up orientation out of nowhere?

Lin Jianyuan eyed the director warily.

The director said, "Containment means limiting the contaminant to a specific area, keeping it away from people, and preventing any harm to humans. It's basically what you just described."

He paused, then glanced at Xie Yu with interest. "The only difference is whether we use the bureau's technology to neutralize the contaminant, or some other method."

Lin Jianyuan had a bad feeling and asked, suspicion all over his face, "So?"

The director smiled kindly. "Go ahead, which warrants do you want canceled?"

"And the price?"

"Xie Yu will participate in our scientific research as a test subject."

"No way," Lin Jianyuan shot back without hesitation.

"Then provide a sample of digestive fluid. One sample for each warrant."

He watched Lin Jianyuan with a sly, knowing smile.

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

Damn it!

The director was playing him!

Lin Jianyuan, well-versed in workplace games, saw through the trick instantly.

He'd started with the outrageous ask—his wife as a test subject—knowing Lin Jianyuan would refuse, then backed down to the more "reasonable" demand for samples.

That way, Lin Jianyuan couldn't say no.

What a piece of work.

He would've agreed to the sample anyway.

But no, the old fox had to make a show of it.

Unbelievable!

Whatever. Maybe the old man just liked feeling clever.

Look at him, secretly gloating.

Lin Jianyuan rolled his eyes, then leaned over and whispered to his roommate, "Baby, is it easy for you to produce digestive fluid?"

"Of course," his roommate said, barely holding back laughter, his intestines quivering. "It's the easiest thing in the world."

For some reason, Lin Jianyuan suddenly remembered the time he'd thrown up all over Yu Xiuli.

He had to fight back his own laughter, shoulders shaking.

The director watched the new couple, a satisfied smile on his face.

Good!

So easy to handle!

Lovesick newlyweds were much easier than hot-tempered veterans!

His roommate popped home to fetch the mint planter—Eye Vines.

Lin Jianyuan remembered the sandbag in the company basement. It doubled as a stress reliever and a charger, saving plenty on the power bill, so he asked his roommate to grab it too.

Even with a three-million-a-year household income, there was no reason not to save where they could.

Even knowing Lin Jianyuan's abilities, the director was still stunned when he saw all the "toys" laid out.

That "squish toy"—wasn't that the A-class Aberrant Time Thief, the one that could control time?

That "little rock"—wasn't that the A-class Aberrant Tripstone, the one that knocked out anyone who got close?

Not to mention the giant eyeball, the wicked big mouth...

What the hell was all this?

How had so many dangerous Aberrants become household gadgets in his hands?

And those nicknames! What was he even calling them?

And they actually answered to those names?

He called, and they really responded?

Forget it. If even S-class Aberrants obeyed Lin Jianyuan, what were these ABCDs in comparison...

The director, arms folded, watched the whole registration process and gave Lin Jianyuan a silent thumbs-up.

Impressive, Lin Jianyuan!

And just like that, everything was settled.

After registering every "family member," Lin Jianyuan suddenly turned to the director. "By the way, could I ask for an advance on my salary? We're about to run out of food at home."

Director: "???"

What? What did you just say?

You have a whole army of household gadgets that could rob a bank in minutes, and you're telling me...

You can't afford to eat?

Can't afford... food???

Who would have thought.

Lin Jianyuan was actually an honest man!!!

The director replied at once, "So you haven't been paid yet? Must be a delay. I'll have them send your salary right away. You'll have it before the end of the day."

Lin Jianyuan was surprised. "Wait, a full month's pay? But it's already the 27th, and I've only been here three days."

"That's just how our bureau works. Don't think you're getting special treatment—this is standard procedure. No one can pull strings here."

Lin Jianyuan: "Oh, okay."

Picture of innocence.

He left the director's office right at two o'clock—just in time for orientation training.

Angel Eyeball projected the map, and his roommate whisked Lin Jianyuan off in a flash.

They didn't waste a second on the way.

"I suddenly feel so empty..." the squish toy murmured.

"You should be glad you get to slack off," the little rock said dryly. "You love work that much? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Why does that sound so familiar?" the squish toy snapped. "Hey, you're quoting our boss!"

"Not quoting," the little rock grunted. "Just keeping Abyss-bro's wisdom close to heart."

Squish toy: "..."

"Stone's right," Angel Eyeball agreed.

"Makes sense," said the Mouth of the Abyss.

"Manager Squeeze is right too. We're all here to serve Abyss-bro, so let's all give a little."

"Manager Squeeze is... wait, what was that last part?"

Its memory was nowhere near as good as Shadow Devourer's!

"All right, enough chatter," Lin Jianyuan said, suddenly feeling like a kindergarten teacher.

The teacher gave his own pocket a thump and growled, "Class is starting! Zip it!"

The toys fell silent at once.

The orientation was standard fare, just like any other workplace.

First, an overview of the bureau, then daily procedures and important reminders.

From two to three-thirty was a general session, with all new hires from Field, Admin, and Containment together.

After a tea break, the second round was department-specific.

That meant Lin Jianyuan and Xie Yu had to split up for their sessions.

Lin Jianyuan quickly pulled out Angel Eyeball.

"Go record the other class for me."

"Got it."

Angel Eyeball flapped its three pairs of wings and zipped off.

His roommate smiled.

A soft duodenum curled gently around Lin Jianyuan's palm.

Lin Jianyuan: "~"

Wahoo~

Whose wife is this, so good at being cute~

Oh, that's right—mine~

The Field Department's training was all practical.

How to identify, subdue, and contain Aberrants.

The lectures were solid.

The only problem was, there was an Aberrant sitting in class.

...Not that having an Aberrant in class was such a big deal.

Because the Aberrant wasn't paying attention anyway.

His appendix swayed, intestines gurgling.

He spent the whole time with his chin in his hand, head tilted, smiling dreamily.

Sometimes he whispered to the person next to him.

Or he’d lie on the desk, "watching" his neighbor take notes.

If you ignored the appearance, it was almost sweet, like a campus romance.

If anyone could ignore the appearance...

In any case, the first day of orientation ended.

There was much more to the theory course. The Field Department would also put new hires through rigorous training, including live drills.

The goal was to turn rookies into full-fledged fighters as fast as possible.

There was a lot to cover. The basic theory course alone would last two weeks.

There were reflections to write, exams to take, physical training to endure.

Just thinking about it was exhausting.

But for now, the first week was all theory.

And theory classes could be attended online from home.

Their mobile terminals had access, so they could review lessons anytime.

With subtitles, and adjustable playback speed.

Just remember: all materials were confidential. No sharing.

Overall, it was pretty easy.

"Off work!"

Lin Jianyuan stuffed his notebook and Angel Eyeball into his pocket, threw an arm around his roommate, and said cheerfully,

"Let's go home!"

"Okay," his roommate smiled. "Want to buy groceries first?"

"Sure, the fridge is empty... Wait." Lin Jianyuan suddenly remembered the rent hike. "No, we still need to look for a new place. Aren't we moving?"

"Ah."

"So let's skip groceries for now," Lin Jianyuan said. "We can eat at the bureau."

"Sounds good."

They went to the lounge, eating from the buffet while browsing apartment apps together.

The bureau provided room and board—they could just stay there.

But there was a big problem with that.

No privacy.

No matter how lovestruck he was, Lin Jianyuan couldn't bring himself to cuddle his roommate in public.

Besides, his roommate still needed to "eat" him.

And that was... a private matter.

Well, at least for Lin Jianyuan it was.

His roommate, on the other hand, wasn't shy about it at all.

Sigh!

Just another way their worldviews didn't quite match~

They huddled together, scrolling through listings.

As they scrolled, a notification popped up:

[XX Bank] 20xx-08-27 17:20: Account ending 1929: Salary payment received, 100,000.00 yuan. New balance: 102,451.46 yuan.

Lin Jianyuan: "Holy shit!"

His roommate blinked. "What is it?"

"Check yours!"

Lin Jianyuan grabbed the phone, still warm from his roommate's gallbladder.

Sure enough, his roommate had a salary notification too.

[XX Bank] 20xx-08-27 17:21: Account ending 3578: Salary payment received, 200,000.00 yuan. New balance: 200,000.00 yuan.

Lin Jianyuan held both phones, looking left, then right.

His smile stretched wider and wider.

He couldn't control it.

"What's gotten into you?" his roommate poked his cheek with a duodenum, making a little dent. "Just a paycheck—are you really that happy?"

"Of course I'm happy! Look at all this!" Lin Jianyuan was giddy, eyes and eyebrows brimming with joy.

They say murderous intent can't be hidden.

But the thrill of sudden wealth was even harder to hide!

He couldn't stop grinning. He felt like jumping up and shouting for joy.

Help, he was losing it.

He couldn't take it. This was too good. Three hundred thousand!

He and his wife had been paid for the whole month on their very first day!

Three hundred thousand!

Three hundred thousand yuan!

He'd busted his ass at his last crappy job for a year and never seen that kind of money.

Damn, just thinking about it brought tears to his eyes.

"Forget house hunting!" Lin Jianyuan shouted. "Babe, let's go have some fun!"

He hadn't had a vacation in forever!

"Okay. Where to?"

"I don't know! I just want to go!"

His roommate's soft intestines trembled with laughter. "Sure, let's go out."

Lin Jianyuan hugged his roommate and cheered, "Let's go! Five-star hotels! First class! Business class! We're going out!"

His eyes sparkled.

His grin was about to fly off his face.

His joy was so infectious that even Xie Yu, who didn't quite get it, started feeling happy too.

So happy!

Going out!

Together!

Lin Jianyuan sprang into action.

Before they'd even finished eating, he'd booked flights, hotels, and attraction tickets.

Everything was top-tier.

After all, they had three hundred thousand!

And the bureau's salary was tax-free!

The best part wasn't even getting thirty grand on day one.

It was that even if he blew through all thirty thousand, in two weeks the next paycheck would land—

Guess what?

Hey, that's another thirty thousand!

"...And after I'd booked everything, something even better happened!"

In the bedroom, Lin Jianyuan packed with wild energy, talking a mile a minute to his roommate:

"The best part is, I booked everything top-of-the-line. Presidential suite, first-class flights, VIP skip-the-line tickets for every attraction. Even the whole trip is private, with a professional guide, all-inclusive, no shopping traps!"

"But! After paying for everything, I realized I'd only spent seventy thousand!"

"Seventy thousand!"

The more he talked, the more excited he got, cheeks flushed, words tumbling out. "I know it's off-season, summer break is ending, and we booked weekdays, but still! It's so much cheaper than I thought! God, I'm floating! I never imagined I'd say 'only' seventy thousand... 'only' seventy thousand!"

His roommate's left colon was on the balcony, collecting laundry.

The right colon was in the bedroom, grabbing shampoo.

The rest—liver, gall, spleen, pancreas, stomach—curled up by Lin Jianyuan like a pile of sleepy cats.

Listening to his animated chatter.

He didn't really understand the excitement.

But seeing Lin Jianyuan so happy made him happy too.

Amid the tangle of organs, Lin Jianyuan packed with gusto.

He took each item his roommate's intestines handed over and packed it neatly.

"All done!" Lin Jianyuan straightened up, rubbing his chin. "Let me think, is there anything we missed..."

"No need."

"—Forget it, no need!"

They spoke in unison.

Lin Jianyuan paused, then they exchanged a smile.

The next second, again in sync:

"If we forgot something, just buy it!"

"If we forgot something, I'll come back for it."

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

Roommate: "..."

Lin Jianyuan pounced, gathering up his roommate's flying intestines like kneading dough, laughing, "Babe! We're rich now! Can't we be a little extravagant? Why bother running home for toiletries when we're on vacation!"

"Is that so?" his roommate grinned, wrapping him in coils of intestine, swinging him like a hammock. "I don't know~"

"I don't know~ I don't know~" Lin Jianyuan swayed in his arms, shaking his head like a giddy fool.

He buried his face in the organs, nuzzling and whining, "You don't know anything. What if I trick you? You wouldn't even know if I was tricking you~"

"You'd trick me?"

"Hehe, of course!"

"And what have you tricked me about?"

Lin Jianyuan: "."

He froze.

He lifted his head, serious. "Fine, I admit, I told you being my wife means you have to tell me I'm handsome every morning. That was a trick."

"But I really do think you're handsome," his roommate said, pinching his cheek with a duodenum. "Why else would I like you so much?"

Thud!

Lin Jianyuan was hit with a critical blow of sincerity!

"Aaah, babe~"

Lin Jianyuan melted into a puddle, clinging to his wife, wriggling and mumbling,

"Babe~ babe~"

"Stop it!" his roommate laughed, pancreas quivering. "That tickles!"

The suitcase sat on the floor.

The two of them were on the bed.

Cuddling turned into a "chu~"

A little kiss.

One wasn't enough.

Lin Jianyuan hugged and nuzzled, his cool, soft roommate the perfect summer pillow.

Even though summer was ending, the heat lingered.

But he liked his roommate so much, he didn't want summer to end.

They played and cuddled.

Sticky sweet, like any couple.

After a long while, they looked up—it was only eight o'clock.

Still early.

This was the magic of not having overtime!

And the magic of no commute!

So much free time after work.

Enough to do a hundred things, look up, and find the sky still bright.

Lin Jianyuan basked in pure, overwhelming happiness.

And right on cue, something unexpected happened.

Beep—

A sharp, unfamiliar alarm sounded.

Lin Jianyuan looked up instinctively.

His roommate turned his "head" as well.

One of the two terminals on the table was flashing red.

"S-class Aberrant [Hesitation] is escaping! [Xie Yu], please return to the bureau immediately to assist with containment!"

"Repeat: S-class Aberrant [Hesitation] is escaping! [Xie Yu], please return to the bureau immediately!"

Roommate: "."

The gurgling stopped.

Lin Jianyuan lifted his head from the tangle of pink intestines. "Babe, your terminal..."

Xie Yu shoved him back into his arms, intestines whipping out like vines, ready to smash the blaring terminal.

With a crack, the whip was about to shatter the screeching device.

"Babe, wait!" Lin Jianyuan called.

His roommate paused.

Lin Jianyuan grabbed the intestine, surprised by how tough and whip-like it felt.

It was stiff and unyielding, like a whip.

It felt cold and hard to the touch.

But the moment Lin Jianyuan touched it, his roommate softened.

He deflated like a balloon.

And flopped back into his arms.

"It's after hours," his roommate muttered. "Why are they calling me?"

"This is overtime," Lin Jianyuan said, stroking his throat. "It's because you're the only one who can stop Hesitation."

His appendix perked up, then drooped.

It flopped down again.

"I want to go out," his roommate said, nuzzling his cheek. "Go out and play."

Lin Jianyuan melted under his touch.

But duty hardened his resolve.

He coaxed gently, "We can go out tomorrow. For now, just zip over and catch Hesitation, okay? One second to catch it, one to shake it, one to warn it to behave, and one more to toss it back in its cell. That's just a few seconds, right?"

The S-class baby was successfully soothed.

His roommate smiled, got up. "Four seconds. Wait for me."

A huge, fleshy pink shadow rippled across the walls and ceiling.

A moment later, it vanished.

With his roommate gone, the room felt instantly empty.

Lin Jianyuan sprawled out on the bed, staring at the ceiling, in a great mood as he waited for his wife.

He counted down from four.

Four, three, two...

His roommate didn't return.

The other terminal on the table rang.

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

His heart sank. He jumped up.

It was the director, calling on the internal line.

He answered at once. "Director, what's wrong?"

Worry for his roommate weighed on his chest like a stone.

He frowned. "Is it about Hesitation..."

"Hesitation? Oh, you mean the escape? No worries, your spouse arrived in time and re-contained it."

The director's cheerful voice came through. "That's not why I'm calling. I have good news."

...Good news?

Lin Jianyuan glanced at the clock, suspicious.

8:47 p.m.

Good news?

At this hour?

He asked cautiously, "What news?"

"Well, you registered several Aberrants today. I reported it, and the organization has canceled their warrants."

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

With that much buildup, the director was definitely about to drop a bomb.

But for the sake of thirty thousand, Lin Jianyuan kept his patience. "And?"

"And, well, the organization thinks you're highly capable, extremely efficient, and your political consciousness is..."

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

He silently grabbed the squish toy and mouthed, "One and a half speed."

Click.

The director sped up at once.

Lin Jianyuan's heart skipped. He pressed the squish toy to slow it down.

The toy obediently returned the call to normal speed.

"...has decided to grant you a senior title, with immediate raise in salary and benefits."

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

The director, voice full of encouragement: "Congratulations, Lin Jianyuan! You're now an A-class fighter! Congratulations!"

Lin Jianyuan: ".................."

It had been more than four seconds.

Way more.

His roommate still wasn't back.

Lin Jianyuan tore his gaze from the clock, voice flat. "Just say it. Make it quick. Enough with the crap."

The director spilled it all at once: "We've found S-class Aberrant [Regret]. Shi Shaoning isn't here. We want your wife to help catch it, but he refuses. He's making a huge scene at the bureau."

He paused, voice turning almost pleading,

"Lin Jianyuan! Please come to the bureau and calm your spouse down!"

Lin Jianyuan: "..."

If Lin Jianyuan hadn't worked for years, he might have believed it.

Why would they promote him just to calm his wife?

The fancy title was just an excuse to make him work overtime.

And drag his wife along too!

Wherever there's work, there's manipulation.

First day on the job and they're already pulling this on him and his wife!

That scheming old fox of a director!