Chapter 80

Chapter 80: Old Man! Time for OT!

No wonder the mobile terminal calls these frogs "Aberrant derivatives" instead of Aberrants.

The frogs are just the physical embodiment of office workers’ resentment toward their shitty bosses.

They aren’t true Aberrants. They don’t eat, and they’re not aggressive.

They just wander around aimlessly.

Plop plop. Ribbit ribbit.

Come to think of it, regular people can’t see Aberrants at all.

So these harmless derivatives might as well not exist for ordinary people, right?

...No, that’s not it.

Lin Jianyuan suddenly realized he had it backwards.

It’s not that the frogs are harmless to humans.

The frogs are the embodiment of people’s negative emotions.

Those feelings, piling up, are a danger in themselves.

Lin Jianyuan knew that all too well.

He’d learned it so well he’d ended up in a psych ward.

...

After class, Lin Jianyuan went home with his roommate.

They’d just rented a fully smart, spacious apartment.

Eight grand a month, three bedrooms and a living room. There was a master, a kid’s room, and a study. The kid’s room was a bit much for just the two of them.

But whatever, they could just leave it empty.

The previous tenants were a young couple with a kid.

You could tell the landlords loved life; every detail in the place was thoughtfully designed.

You could feel their passion for living.

And their love for this home.

Lin Jianyuan fell for the apartment at first sight.

Three bedrooms, one living room, but all on one floor—over 220 square meters. Every room was huge.

Every bedroom even had its own walk-in closet.

When he’d toured the place, Lin Jianyuan had joked that the walk from the innermost closet to the front door was so far, you could ride a shared bike.

"Ugh. I’m beat."

The moment he got home, Lin Jianyuan collapsed onto the couch.

Running fieldwork and then teaching class—no wonder he was exhausted.

Physical training had been fine—just tiring.

Now he was worn out, body and mind.

Grrrgle.

His stomach rumbled.

"Wife~" Lin Jianyuan grabbed his roommate’s little duodenum, whining, "Wife~ I’m hungry~ Make me some noodles, please~"

"Huh?" His roommate looked down in confusion at his own "bottom."

His appendix, ileum, and rectum all squirmed slowly.

Lin Jianyuan jumped. "No, no, not that kind of 'noodles'!"

Roommate: "Then which noodles?"

Lin Jianyuan couldn’t help laughing. "Not 'down there,' I mean 'cook noodles!' Never mind, I’ll do it myself—"

"Oh, oh." His roommate finally got it, smiled, and held him down. "I’ll do it. You’re tired. Just lie down and rest."

It seemed his roommate hadn’t caught the accidental innuendo.

TL/N: 下面吃 -> depending on how you interpret this, it could be 下 (cook) 面 (noodles) 吃 (to eat), or 下面 (down below) 吃 (eat).

Lin Jianyuan thought—my wife is so pure!

Of course, not being human means not having a head full of dirty thoughts...

Wait, that’s not it.

Not being human means not being so perverted. Yeah.

Unlike him, whose brain was full of trashy thoughts. Ha!

Lin Jianyuan found it funny, but it also made him itch inside.

He watched his roommate head into the kitchen to cook noodles and suddenly wanted to follow and hug him from behind.

But—no.

As soon as he took a step, he caught a whiff of his own sweat.

He’d been out on fieldwork all day.

He still stank—no way could he hug his sweet-smelling wife like this!

"Wife! I’m showering first!"

Roommate: "Okay. Food will be ready when you’re done."

Lin Jianyuan: "~"

Lin Jianyuan grinned, grabbed his clothes, and headed to the bathroom.

The hot water roared, the pressure was great. The bathroom was huge, with a separate shower and tub.

He could even invite his roommate in for a soak sometime.

Lin Jianyuan stood naked in the spacious glass shower, steam swirling around him.

The strong spray pounded his bare back, massaging him.

He enjoyed the hot shower, looking forward to the late-night snack his wife was making.

But then a question hit him.

—His roommate also fed on negative emotions.

But they were so happy now!

He probably didn’t have much negativity left for his roommate to eat.

So what was his roommate eating these days?

Was he just eating buffet-style at the Containment Department every day?

Getting his head “chomped” by his wife was a bizarre experience.

But if his roommate really wasn’t eating from him and was going out for buffet instead, he actually... felt a little...

Annoyed.

Annoyed!

Suddenly, Lin Jianyuan couldn’t enjoy his shower anymore.

He just wanted to hurry out and bury his head in that pink digestive system.

He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and let the water pour over him.

He scrubbed fast, working shampoo into a lather.

But after rinsing, he reached up and realized—

Wait. Why was his hair still greasy?

Was it the heat?

He’d just washed his hair yesterday, hadn’t he?

How was it so oily after just one day?

Did he not wash it properly yesterday???

Lin Jianyuan frowned and squeezed out more shampoo. This time, he scrubbed every inch of his scalp.

His roommate was soft and fragrant—he couldn’t have greasy hair!

Lin Jianyuan scrubbed and massaged with intense focus.

He worked at it for over ten minutes before finally tilting his head back and rinsing away the foam.

Ah, that felt so much better.

The water stopped.

He reached for a towel, started drying his hair, and as he glanced down, he caught sight of a big clump of black at the drain.

A big—black—clump?!

Shit!

That was—

Hair!!!

His hair!!!

How did he lose!!! So!!! Much!!! Hair!!!

His hair, oh god!!!

Lin Jianyuan didn’t even bother with underwear. He bolted out of the bathroom, panicking.

"Wife! Wife, wife, wife!!!"

He burst into the kitchen, yelling, "I lost so much hair! Hair!!!"

Roommate: "?"

His roommate turned, surprised, to see Lin Jianyuan’s face twisted in despair.

But the next second, as if remembering something, he tilted his head up and offered his neck.

"Wait, I’m panicking! Panic counts as negative emotion, right? Hurry, eat!"

Lin Jianyuan’s face lit up with excitement,

"Not as much as when I worked at the company, but still—don’t waste it! Take a bite, wife!"

Xie Yu: "..."

Xie Yu stared at Lin Jianyuan’s Adam’s apple, still glistening with water, bobbing slightly.

He couldn’t help but laugh.

How could his human be this adorable?

Freaking out over a handful of lost hair.

Freaking out, but still running over to offer his throat.

And—was he actually happy to be eaten?

What kind of human got happy about being eaten?

It was hilarious.

And so cute.

Xie Yu set down the spatula, smiled, and hugged Lin Jianyuan—hugged his human.

chu~

Chu~

He kissed his Adam’s apple, soft and light.

The taste was like a long-lost, delicious lollipop. Xie Yu savored it for a while.

There wasn’t much—food, really.

The moment Lin Jianyuan realized he could be eaten again, the negative emotion vanished.

Something sweet took its place.

Sweet, fragrant, warm.

Something that made Xie Yu want to smile every time he tasted it.

When Xie Yu finally let go, satisfied,

he found his human’s face bright red.

"What’s wrong?" Xie Yu asked, a little worried, reaching out a duodenum to touch his cheek. "Are you feeling sick?"

He couldn’t keep the Remorse seal open all the time, so his human was bound to catch colds.

So annoying!

"I... you... it’s not—"

His human couldn’t seem to get the words out. So he didn’t.

He turned, covered himself, and bolted.

Xie Yu: "?"

Only then did Xie Yu realize his human wasn’t wearing any clothes—or pants.

He hadn’t even dried the water off his back and ass.

He’d come running out, dripping wet, in a panic.

Just to offer up his throat.

So adorable. So, so cute.

Xie Yu: "Burp~"

He’d only had a tiny lick of his lollipop.

But it made him let out a huge,

A huge, pink burp.

...

Lin Jianyuan dried off and changed into pajamas.

God, he’d been so focused on feeding his wife, he hadn’t even put on underwear.

And who knew how many dirty thoughts he’d had when his soft, sweet roommate started nibbling his throat!

And everyone knew his roommate never held back when he ate.

Licking and sucking!

With those wet, sticky sounds!

Lin Jianyuan had definitely been thinking things!

But no!

Because he couldn’t stop thinking about his hair!!!

That huge clump he’d lost at the shower drain!!!

This was absolutely not the right time for anything sexual...

Next time!

Next time for sure!!!

...Once he was dressed, Lin Jianyuan calmed down.

His roommate’s instant noodles were ready.

X-brand ramen with two eggs—classic.

Spicy, steaming broth coating chewy noodles. The yolks were bright orange, soft-boiled just the way Lin Jianyuan liked.

The egg whites were whisked in, turning into fluffy egg ribbons floating on the springy noodles.

He stuck his chopsticks in and twirled up a bundle of noodles.

It was topped with a scoop of egg, a burst yolk, and a handful of fresh green onions.

Delicious!

Lin Jianyuan dug in, wishing he could drink every drop of broth and lick the bowl clean.

"Wife," he slurped, nose running from the spicy heat, "how do you make even instant noodles taste this good?" Lin Jianyuan said, moved.

His roommate came over, pinched his cheek, and grinned. "How are you this happy over instant noodles? It’s just noodles!"

Lin Jianyuan: "~"

Roommate: "~"

He couldn’t take it.

He wanted to grab his wife and kiss him all over!

But he couldn’t put down the bowl!

If I hold the bowl, I can’t kiss you!

If I kiss you, I can’t eat your noodles while they’re hot!

God!

How could life be so hard!

Food really did make him smarter.

Lin Jianyuan quickly replayed the horror story in his mind—the black sesame must have snuck in during his shower, making his scalp greasy and causing all that hair loss.

Criminal!

But didn’t black sesame vanish whenever his roommate was near?

Why... oh.

Lin Jianyuan looked calmly around.

Case closed.

The apartment was too big.

Two hundred square meters! You’re an accomplice!

So when he ran out of the bathroom to find his roommate, all he had left was the hair—no black sesame.

The black sesame disappeared the moment it got near his roommate.

So that meant...

Lin Jianyuan stroked his chin and paced off the distance from the bathroom to the kitchen.

Factoring in the floor plan, his roommate’s black sesame-clearing range was about ten meters.

His roommate got it right away. "I’ll go sweep the building."

Lin Jianyuan laughed. "No need, that’s too much work. Beating up Aberrants is a field agent’s job—Containment doesn’t get to steal the fun~"

His roommate smiled. "Oh, come on."

"What do you mean, 'oh come on'~" Lin Jianyuan teased, pinching his throat, his gallbladder, his smooth, fresh liver. "How many times do I have to say it—no acting cute all the time~"

A length of intestine snaked out, gently hooking around Lin Jianyuan’s neck.

His roommate pulled him close, brushed his lips, and asked, "So what’s your plan?"

Lin Jianyuan grinned wickedly.

He picked up his mobile terminal.

"I’ve decided to make the old director get up and work overtime."