Chapter 87

Chapter 87: See, I told you the internet really teaches you things…

Lin Jianyuan’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “Wait, baby, why—why are you putting those things on the eggplant and banana...?”

Roommate: “Because I searched ‘condom’ on Xiaohongshu, and all these posts with eggplants and bananas popped up. I didn’t really get it, so I just followed the tutorial and tried it out.”

Lin Jianyuan: “Oh, that explains it...”

Still Lin Jianyuan: “Huh????”

Huh??

What???

Why would you search for condoms???

His sweet, clueless, innocent wife who doesn’t even understand human smut!!!

How did he end up searching for condoms on Xiaohongshu?!

Roommate: “Because you talk about it in your sleep.”

Boom!

It was like an atom bomb went off in Lin Jianyuan’s brain.

He turned red from head to toe in an instant.

“Me? Huh? No?” Lin Jianyuan was mortified, so embarrassed he wanted to rip his head off and scrub it clean. “Wait, how—how did—did I talk in my sleep?”

Case closed.

He must’ve mumbled something in his sleep, and his roommate caught the words “condom.”

Curious as ever, his roommate went straight to Xiaohongshu to look it up. Of course, searching for the slang didn’t work, so he just searched for “condom.”

And all he found were perfectly wholesome educational posts.

The most eye-catching were the tutorials using eggplants and bananas as demonstrations.

Roommate: He didn’t get why you’d put a plastic cover on a banana or eggplant, but if that many people liked, saved, and shared the posts, it must be useful knowledge.

Doesn’t matter—better to learn first and ask questions later.

Lin Jianyuan nearly died laughing after hearing about his roommate’s educational adventure.

He couldn’t help but ask, “So what about the ‘condom’ part?”

He was dying to know how his digestive-system-obsessed wife interpreted reproductive accessories.

Roommate: “I thought it meant ‘a bunch’?”

His roommate opened a drawer, packed full of 0.01s, ribbed, glow-in-the-dark...

Roommate: “But we don’t have that many eggplants or bananas at home. There’s no way we can use all of these.”

Lin Jianyuan: “...”

Lin Jianyuan burst out laughing.

His roommate finally started to catch on, frowning in confusion. “Did I get it wrong? So what does ‘condom’ mean? Why do you put these plastic covers on bananas and eggplants?”

“Baby...” Lin Jianyuan couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed his sweet, soft wife and pulled him into his arms, squeezing tight. “God, you’re too cute, you’re going to kill me with how adorable you are! I can’t stand it, I’m going to kiss you to death!”

Roommate: “?”

Lin Jianyuan’s lovesick brain went into overdrive.

He kissed and hugged his wife until he finally calmed down from his attack of infatuation.

He apologized seriously, “Baby, ‘condom’ is kind of a dirty word. Sorry, that’s just the trash in my head.”

His roommate nodded. “It is kind of dirty.”

Watching his roommate, this clueless Aberrant trying so hard to be human, Lin Jianyuan felt both amused and a little sorry for him.

But mostly, he just felt warm and soft inside, like his heart was melting in a hot spring.

He leaned in and kissed his roommate gently. “Baby, just be yourself. You don’t have to...uh, force yourself to act human.”

What kind of nonsense was that?

He couldn’t help but laugh at himself.

His roommate laughed too. “I’m not forcing anything. It’s not hard. Actually, it’s kind of fun.”

Lin Jianyuan pictured his roommate earnestly following a Xiaohongshu tutorial, carefully putting condoms on bananas and eggplants.

He burst out laughing again.

He couldn’t take it, really couldn’t.

How could his wife be this cute? Hahaha.

Night fell.

After his shower, Lin Jianyuan came out in clean pajamas and found his roommate sprawled on the pillow, scrolling Xiaohongshu again.

His roommate really loved Xiaohongshu.

Thinking of the whole “condom” incident, Lin Jianyuan couldn’t help but laugh again. He dove onto the bed and rolled around with his roommate.

“Stop messing around, hahaha... My phone! It’s going to fall!”

“It’s fine, if it breaks I’ll buy you a new one... Baby, give me a kiss.”

“chu~”

“Chu~”

“One more.”

“Okay. Chu~”

“Kiss me here. On my face.”

“chu~”

“Chu~”

“Ah, you little kiss monster. Why do you love kissing so much~?”

“You’re the one asking for kisses!”

“So do you like it or not?”

“I like it. I love it.”

His roommate proved it with action.

From lips, to nose, to eyes, to forehead.

He kissed his way across.

Then came back the same way.

Lin Jianyuan could hear his own heartbeat thumping, thump, thump.

It sped up—thumpthumpthumpthump!

...Holy shit.

He and his roommate had kissed a hundred thousand times already.

How could he still get this worked up from a kiss?

The two of them cuddled and kissed on the bed for a while before Lin Jianyuan got ready to sleep.

He glanced at his phone out of habit—ever since they’d gotten together, he barely touched his phone anymore.

All his attention was on his roommate now. His phone just didn’t seem as fun.

But he still checked WeChat every now and then.

Sure enough, as soon as he opened WeChat, he saw a flood of unread messages.

Pei Shuo had already told the other old coworkers that he actually had a wife.

The group chat exploded. Everyone spammed him with question marks and exclamation points.

The main points were:

1. Why did you only show your wife to Pei Shuo and not the rest of us?

2. Why does your wife only help Pei Shuo with overtime? Why not help the rest of us too?!

Lin Jianyuan replied to everyone in the group chat.

He couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot as he typed.

After he finished, he noticed someone unexpected had messaged him.

Dr. Cen: How have you been lately?

Dr. Cen: You should be done with your medication, right? Do you have time to come in for a follow-up?

Lin Jianyuan was a little surprised.

He hadn’t expected Dr. Cen to check in on him first. The man was a truly dedicated doctor.

Thinking back on all the encouragement and help Dr. Cen had given him, Lin Jianyuan immediately ordered a rush banner of appreciation.

He planned to bring it with him tomorrow when he went to 700 Jiangchuan North Road.

That sense of happiness was the best motivation to get up in the morning.

The next day was Lin Jianyuan’s day off. No training, no lectures, no work scheduled at the Bureau.

But his roommate had to work.

One worked in containment, the other in field operations.

A prison guard and a detective had different jobs, different schedules.

His roommate worked five days a week, nine to five.

Normally, if one spouse had to work and the other was off, Lin Jianyuan would drive his darling to work.

But in their case, only his wife could teleport.

Lin Jianyuan could only play the pampered househusband~

His roommate dropped him off at 700 Jiangchuan North Road before heading to work.

“Want to have lunch in the cafeteria?” his roommate asked as they stood outside the hospital.

“Yeah, I’ll come.” Lin Jianyuan held his roommate’s little duodenum, reluctant to let go.

His roommate smiled. “Okay, I’ll come get you. Eleven? Or whenever you’re done, just call me.”

Lin Jianyuan felt love flooding through him.

Standing on the street, he had the urge to hug and kiss his roommate forever.

He couldn’t take it.

His lovesick brain really needed to soak in a vat of insect repellent.

He remembered Shi Shaoning’s rants in Delirium and had to laugh again.

Finally, he tore himself away and walked into the mental health center alone.

Coming back to this hospital, Lin Jianyuan realized he’d always felt pressure about having a mental illness.

But now, his mindset had changed. Walking in calmly, he noticed the anxiety he’d buried deep inside.

Of course, it had to do with being broke back then, with work stress, with a boss who treated him like crap.

It wasn’t just that he “shouldn’t” have mental illness—he couldn’t afford it.

It was just too hard.

Thankfully, none of his coworkers had distanced themselves because of his illness (except those two idiots Jiang Chen and Yu Xiuli).

Like Dr. Cen said, that was rare. A supportive work environment made a huge difference.

The outpatient clinic was on the second floor. As Lin Jianyuan headed for the elevator, his gaze swept across and landed on the restroom nearby.

At first, he didn’t realize it was the restroom—he just saw someone inside.

A second later, he realized it was his own reflection in the mirror.

Worse, it was the women’s restroom.

Even worse, there was a girl at the sink, and she looked up at that exact moment.

As she looked up, their eyes met in the mirror.

The girl’s eyes went wide.

Lin Jianyuan looked away instinctively, but her image was burned into his mind.

It was a tear-streaked face.

She wore light makeup, just a subtle line of eyeliner.

But she must have cried too hard—her makeup was a mess.

Her eyeliner ran down her cheeks like black tears, smudged and messy.

Lin Jianyuan couldn’t help glancing again.

Sure enough, after their eyes met, she started crying even harder.

Was it because a stranger had seen her looking so miserable?

And it was a man, just passing by the restroom.

And they’d locked eyes, just like that.

She looked about middle school age, still wearing her school uniform.

Some people would judge a middle schooler for wearing makeup so young.

Lin Jianyuan didn’t care. He’d worked in advertising—he knew there were plenty of occasions where girls needed a bit of makeup. Dance performances, figure skating competitions, that sort of thing.

He didn’t really get girls’ psychology, but he knew middle school was when girls started to become more sensitive and self-aware.

Or in other words—

At this age, girls weren’t clueless kids anymore.

They were already reaching out, tentatively, to explore the world.

But they didn’t have the experience or resilience of adults.

So...that’s probably why she was here.

At the mental health center.

Lin Jianyuan scratched his head, realizing he’d just seen her at her lowest, and they’d made eye contact.

The poor girl had already been falling apart—now this just made it worse.

He looked around, thinking about finding a vending machine to buy her some snacks or candy.

He remembered his roommate saying the snacks here were good...

Wait.

Suddenly he realized—was his roommate even eating human snacks here?

While he was lost in thought, a cleaning lady had appeared beside the girl.

She was plump, dressed in a navy blue uniform, and looked kind.

She was gently comforting the girl.

Lin Jianyuan watched quietly for a moment.

He waited until the girl’s sobs faded and she wiped her tears, leaving the restroom with the cleaning lady.

Only then did Lin Jianyuan move on.

He headed upstairs to find Dr. Cen.