Chapter 86

Chapter 86: No Grilling Sausages During Work Hours

Delirium flailed in the water for ages, and finally managed to spit out a single word.

"You."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? It was as good as saying nothing.

All it did was leave him hanging, completely useless otherwise.

Lin Jianyuan frowned, tempted to grab Delirium by the shoulders and shake him to see if any more words would fall out.

But suddenly, someone yanked his arm hard!

Lin Jianyuan was hauled out of the water, and Shi Shaoning’s furious roar exploded right next to his ear:

"Lin Jianyuan! Are you fucking insane? Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"

Shi Shaoning’s voice was so loud, and the pool’s echo made it worse—Lin Jianyuan’s eardrums were about to burst.

Only now did Lin Jianyuan realize how crazy and inexplicable his actions were—why had he suddenly jumped in?

This was Delirium’s containment pool!

What’s more, he’d gone all the way under.

This pool was way deeper than he’d thought!

At 1.85 meters tall, he still couldn’t touch the bottom, and his head was far from the surface.

The insect repellent pool had to be at least three meters deep!

No wonder Delirium could thrash around in there all he wanted.

Both Shi Shaoning and Lin Jianyuan were soaked. Shi Shaoning dragged him toward the edge, cursing as he swam, "I don’t care what your excuse is—"

Lin Jianyuan hurried to apologize. "Sorry, sorry, I don’t even know what happened, I just jumped in on impulse. I’ll write a report when I get back…"

Shi Shaoning snapped, "You should soak your lovesick brain in the insect repellent too! You and Xie Yu are both insane, just like Delirium!"

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

He had no idea why his and his wife’s love life was suddenly being dragged into this, but he stood there and took the scolding. "Yes, yes, we’ll be careful, we’ll definitely be careful in the future, no more public displays of affection…"

Shi Shaoning ranted, "Thursday is a dog food frenzy, the director’s fingernails are southern cockroaches! Snap! Wipe you all out in one go!"

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

Shi Shaoning: "Xue Lu sits on the whale’s head and gets blasted into the sky by its blowhole. I didn’t because I’m a puppet. Pinocchio tried too hard. Grandpa roasted sweet potatoes in the whale’s belly and said, ‘Delicious!’"

Lin Jianyuan: "???"

Lin Jianyuan froze for a second, then snapped to attention.

Shit!

Shi Shaoning was Deliriumed!

Lin Jianyuan scooped up Shi Shaoning and rushed him off for emergency treatment.

One look at his sanity meter—sure enough, it had plummeted.

Both of them were off the charts for contamination. The moment they left the containment room, the hallway detectors went berserk.

That’s when Lin Jianyuan realized—the reason his wrist terminal hadn’t gone off when they jumped into the pool wasn’t because the numbers were too low.

It was because the terminal had straight-up fried.

Lin Jianyuan: "."

Did that count as destroying public property?

At last, Lin Jianyuan had a clear understanding of Delirium’s “epic-level upgrade.”

No wonder even Xie Yu couldn’t handle it…

Half an hour later.

All the contaminants had been flushed from Shi Shaoning’s body.

But Delirium’s effects lingered.

Shi Shaoning couldn’t sit still in the hospital bed. He paced the room, occasionally flicking his arms as if shaking out invisible billowing sleeves.

Now and then, he’d clasp his hands behind his back, throw his head back, and howl at the wall clock.

Shi Shaoning: "A hundred thousand words of script are staring at me. Almonds, are you the troll’s brain core? The lighting needs to hit the pecs at a 45-degree angle. Ah! Don’t leave! The gym grew legs and took a helicopter to work overtime!"

Lin Jianyuan: "."

Xie Yu: "."

Director: "."

All the agents and medical staff: "."

Shi Shaoning glanced around and suddenly asked, "What’s wrong with you guys? Why are you all staring at me like that?"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As expected of an A-class agent—his mental resistance was impressive, bouncing back so quickly.

Shi Shaoning frowned. "Spotlights don’t evaporate film. Are all the Oscars in drag? Your insect repellent is wavy and bullies the mentally handicapped. Delete it! Hang the troll’s intestines and the director on the streetlights together! Then retire. Damn it, I swear I’m retiring after this flag!"

Everyone: "???"

Director: "."

Lin Jianyuan patted the director’s shoulder. "Don’t mind him, don’t mind him, he’s Deliriumed. He’s just talking nonsense."

The director forced a laugh. "I understand, I understand."

Shi Shaoning glared at Lin Jianyuan, suddenly furious. "Dog food! Dog sausage! Dog-man sausage eating dog food! No grilling starch sausages during work hours! Sell! Sell them all! Bastard Xie Yu and legitimate Delirium can go dig wild herbs together!"

Lin Jianyuan: "………………"

The director patted Lin Jianyuan’s shoulder. "Don’t mind him, don’t mind him, he’s Deliriumed."

Lin Jianyuan’s mouth twitched. "I understand, I understand."

"Shi Shaoning." Xie Yu suddenly sounded annoyed.

Lin Jianyuan and the director instantly joined forces:

"Don’t mind him! / Baby, don’t mind him! He’s Deliriumed right now! / He’s not in his right mind! Don’t blame him! / Don’t kill him!!!"

"Why am I the bastard Delirium and he’s the legitimate one? What makes me the bastard and him the heir?" Xie Yu snapped. "What part of me loses to that idiot? Shi Shaoning! You’re lying through your teeth!"

Everyone: "???"

That’s what you’re upset about?!

Lin Jianyuan couldn’t help but laugh, quickly pulling his wife over to comfort him. "He really is talking nonsense, he’s Deliriumed, let’s just ignore him, don’t be mad, baby, let’s just ignore him, okay?"

All in all, it was a close call, but no real harm done.

Shi Shaoning’s mental resilience really was impressive. Even after taking a direct hit from the “epic-level” Delirium contamination, once the pollutants were flushed out, his mind was recovering at a pace you could see with the naked eye.

Three hours into obvious Delirium, he switched to pure nonsense.

Another three hours of gibberish later, he started reciting lines like crazy, and forced Lin Jianyuan to rehearse scenes with him.

Rehearsing was one thing.

The real problem was, after every scene, he demanded praise for his acting.

And it had to be different every time.

Otherwise, he’d throw a fit, slap himself, roll all over the floor, and howl like a lunatic.

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

His first instinct was to pull out his AI.

But after a moment, he put it away.

Instead, he called the guy best at cheering people up:

"Hey, Pei Shuo, I’ve got a patient here…"

Big golden retriever!

Time to repay your debt!

Since Shi Shaoning had jumped into the insect repellent pool to save him, Lin Jianyuan volunteered to stay and keep him company.

He even brought in Pei Shuo as backup, getting instructions over the phone on how to give heartfelt compliments.

Turns out, sincerity is always a killer move.

Shi Shaoning, basking in the praise, was finally satisfied.

No more rolling around and throwing tantrums.

The director, of course, wasn’t idle either.

Lin Jianyuan sent the director off to handle Shi Shaoning’s main gig—since he hadn’t returned to set, social media was already flooded with trending hate about “Shi Shaoning being a diva again.”

Lin Jianyuan had the director mobilize the PR department to do damage control, fast and hard.

He even posted a video of Shi Shaoning reciting lines in his hospital room, building up his image as a dedicated actor, sick or not.

That pretty much settled things for now.

By the time Shi Shaoning was completely back to normal, it was already past ten at night.

Lin Jianyuan finally let out a breath. "Bro, I really owe you for this one."

Shi Shaoning, face cold: "Get lost."

Lin Jianyuan: "If you hadn’t jumped in to save me…"

Shi Shaoning hurled a pillow at him, roaring, "Don’t you dare tell anyone! Get out!!!"

Lin Jianyuan stifled a laugh, grabbed his roommate, and ran.

The farce was finally over. They made it home at last.

"Baby, I still think it’s weird. Why do you think Delirium was after me?" Lin Jianyuan asked as he changed his shoes.

"No idea." His roommate sounded a little annoyed. "Don’t get it. So annoying."

Lin Jianyuan could tell right away his roommate was jealous and worried, so he dove onto the couch and started tickling his roommate’s most sensitive spot—his right colon.

At first, his roommate tried not to laugh, but after a round of “baby, baby” and relentless cuddling and kisses, they ended up wrestling on the couch until his roommate finally gave in, giggling uncontrollably.

Yeah.

Crisis averted~

Lin Jianyuan patted his roommate’s soft, pink liver, climbed off him, and headed into the kitchen.

Earlier that day, Lin Jianyuan had found time to report the Delirium incident to the director.

The director sat at his desk, hands folded under his chin.

After hearing the whole story, he looked thoughtful.

Director: "So you think…"

Lin Jianyuan nodded. "The reason Delirium’s movements have been so strange is because he’s been looking for me all along."

It all made sense now.

Last time, when Lin Jianyuan helped Shi Shaoning write the containment report, he’d heard him mention Delirium’s travel routes.

He’d been curious and checked the Bureau’s records.

As an A-class agent, there wasn’t much classified info he couldn’t access.

As soon as he saw the records, they felt familiar.

Damn, weren’t those his own commute times?

But he hadn’t thought he was important enough for Delirium’s route to have anything to do with him.

But after jumping into the insect repellent pool, he got it.

Unbelievable.

It really was about him.

He really was that big a deal!

"The director and I talked it over forever but didn’t get anywhere—too few clues. He said he’d report up the chain, see if anything like this had ever come up in the Bureau’s archives. I’m planning to check with Jingwei tomorrow—baby, are you thirsty? Want an ice-cold Coke? Or watermelon juice?"

Lin Jianyuan opened the fridge in the kitchen.

"I want coconut juice—"

His roommate’s voice drifted from the living room, a little sing-song.

Now that he’d been soothed, his roommate was back to being spoiled and clingy.

It was like he couldn’t speak without being a little brat.

What a little troublemaker!

Lin Jianyuan grinned, opened the fridge, and reached for the coconut juice on the door.

But as soon as he reached out, Lin Jianyuan froze.

Huh?

What was that in the fridge?

Eggplant?

Why did it look so greasy?

Lin Jianyuan squinted suspiciously, reaching in to grab the eggplant.

The moment his hand touched it—

Slip.

It slid right out of his grasp.

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

Still confused, he caught a glimpse of a bunch of bananas by the sink.

Each banana was stiff, still green, definitely not ripe.

Strangely, every single banana was slick with oil.

Oily, slippery.

And at the bottom, each one had a suspiciously shaped ring of rubber…

Lin Jianyuan: "???"

Two seconds later.

Lin Jianyuan’s face went pale. He grabbed the eggplant and bananas and dashed over to his roommate, yelling in panic.

"This is bad! Baby, come look! Did some psycho Aberrant break into our house again?!"

He shoved the two bizarre objects at his roommate, terrified.

"Why do the eggplant and bananas both have condoms on them?!"

His roommate: "Oh, those? I put those on."

Lin Jianyuan let out a breath. "Oh, it was you, that’s fine then…"

Then he did a double take. "Wait, what?!"