Chapter 78

Chapter 78: Stealing Jiang Chen's Hair

Jiang Chen was stunned.

"Lin Jianyuan, cut the crap!" He stood at the second-floor railing, yelling down from his strategic high ground. "If you're sick, take your meds! Go check yourself into a hospital! Stop pretending you're loaded—like I don't know your financial situation…"

Pei Shuo stammered, "Bro—bro, this is way too much, really way too much!"

Jiang Chen smirked, thinking Pei Shuo was about to help him talk some sense into Lin Jianyuan.

But to his shock, Pei Shuo was nearly in tears the next second. "I-I-I've never seen a red envelope this big! Bro! You're scaring me! Is all this money really for me? Why?!"

The others, still reeling from the sudden windfall, snapped back to their senses and crowded around Lin Jianyuan, asking, "Yeah, why?" "Why'd you just send us money out of nowhere?"

Lin Jianyuan flashed a rich man's smile. "Because you're all good people!"

There weren't even ten people here—at most, it was 16,880 in total.

He'd made more than that in side gigs from Shi Shaoning.

So really, you could say these red envelopes were courtesy of Shi Shaoning.

Shi Shaoning is good, too!

Everyone: "…"

Jiang Chen: "…"

Not saying who didn't get complimented.

Jiang Chen rolled his eyes so hard they nearly hit his heels. He snapped, "Lin Jianyuan, what the hell are you even doing here? You already quit! Now you're barging in and disrupting everyone—I could call the cops on you, you know that? If it weren't for the fact that you're a…"

Lin Jianyuan finished for him, "Because I'm crazy?"

His tone was mild, but dripping with mockery.

Jiang Chen immediately remembered the humiliation of being toyed with by this lunatic over an egg pancake.

"You, you…" Jiang Chen's face went pale, then green, so worked up he felt he might faint. "I'm warning you, don't do anything stupid… This is a law-abiding society…"

Lin Jianyuan looked up at him, eyes calm.

He didn't say a word.

Lin Jianyuan didn't say or do anything.

He just quietly lifted his gaze and watched him.

Jiang Chen was supposed to be the one in charge, but under that stare, he felt… he felt…

A chill ran down his spine!

squish toy: "Eyeball, flap your wings faster! The boss is about to show off!"

little rock: "Abyssal Mouth, don't just stand there! See if you've got anything slimy and gross in your belly—smear it on that idiot's neck or the back of his head! Stuff it down his ass crack if you want!"

Lin Jianyuan: "…"

The corner of his mouth twitched.

He couldn't keep a straight face anymore.

Angel Eyeball plus Abyssal Mouth equals a fully automated frog-catching machine.

squish toy and little rock together—automatic boss show-off machine.

He couldn't take it.

Is this what they mean by "you become like those you hang around with"—get too close to a lunatic and you go crazy too?

How had he never noticed these little toys were this deranged?

Anyway, Angel Eyeball took the hint.

Its three pairs of wings flapped so hard that Jiang Chen's shirt hem nearly took flight.

Abyssal Mouth got the message, too.

It dug around in its belly—frogs, nothing but frogs.

So it stuffed a frog right into Jiang Chen's ass crack.

Lin Jianyuan: "………………"

He really couldn't watch this time!

Lin Jianyuan spun around, desperately recalling the saddest things in his life, fighting to keep his mouth from twitching and his shoulders from shaking with laughter.

Jiang Chen noticed something off and frowned in confusion.

But his own back was growing colder, and there was something wet and slimy wriggling in his ass crack…

The creepy sensation made Jiang Chen jump in alarm!

What the hell?!

What was happening to him?!

Could insanity really be contagious—just by eye contact?!

Jiang Chen, horrified, reached back and found nothing there.

He reached, even more horrified, toward his own butt…

But before he could touch it, everyone downstairs was staring up at him with odd, suspicious looks.

Jiang Chen: "…"

He held back tears and quickly withdrew his hand.

It itched like hell!

So sticky!!!

He couldn't stand it!

What the hell was this wet, sticky mess in his pants?!

Lin Jianyuan used every ounce of willpower to get his composure back and shot his little toys a warning glance.

Telling them to knock it off—he was really at his limit.

So the frog-catcher went back to catching frogs.

The show-off machine wiggled and rolled obediently back into his pocket.

Lin Jianyuan said, "Boss Jiang, I'm just here to visit old coworkers. Has nothing to do with you. So why don't you go chill somewhere else?"

Jiang Chen recovered, let out a cold laugh, and said, "Visit coworkers? During work hours? Don't they have jobs to do? Lin Jianyuan, just because you're unemployed, doesn't mean you should drag others down…"

Lin Jianyuan replied, "Who's to say talking to me isn't work? Maybe I've got business to discuss. After all, I'm rich now."

"You?" Jiang Chen raised an eyebrow, thinking back to Lin Jianyuan's earlier stunt with the red envelopes, still fuming. He let out a furious laugh. "Lin Jianyuan, seriously, there's a limit to how much bullshit you can pull. Just because you won the lottery or got lucky for once doesn't mean you can waltz back in here and act like a big shot…"

Lin Jianyuan cut him off. "I didn't win the lottery. I'm a rich kid."

Jiang Chen: "?"

"My parents wanted to toughen me up, so they always told me we were broke. But now that they've seen me working myself crazy, they dropped the act and told me we're actually loaded."

Jiang Chen: "??"

"Now I get 200,000 a month as pocket money. Our basement has so many floors, the house is so big we didn't know what to do with it, so we even built a hot spring spa inside… Anyway, you're right, Boss Jiang. I'm jobless now. I have no idea how to spend 200,000 every month. What do you think I should do?"

Jiang Chen: "???"

Lin Jianyuan remembered the NDA said he couldn't reveal his real job.

So he had no choice but to play the part of a plain, boring rich guy.

Since he couldn't tell the truth, he could make up whatever he wanted.

That's what being born for creativity was all about.

Lin Jianyuan rattled off a string of rich-guy nonsense that left Jiang Chen speechless.

And not just Jiang Chen.

Everyone in the office was thrown for a loop.

"Bro… bro…" Pei Shuo asked cautiously, "Is… is that true?"

Lin Jianyuan smiled at him, about to say "yes," when he noticed everyone was looking at him with pity and sympathy.

Even Pei Shuo.

Pei Shuo looked so worried he was about to cry!

Lin Jianyuan: "?"

Oh no.

He'd forgotten again.

In everyone's eyes, he was still the office lunatic!

Lin Jianyuan coughed and hurriedly said, "It's true, really true. If you don't believe me, I'll show you my bank balance…"

He yanked Pei Shuo over, forced his head down, and made him look at his six-figure balance.

Pei Shuo: "?"

Pei Shuo stared in shock, like he was questioning his entire existence.

"Wait, you're serious?" Su Zhiwei saw Pei Shuo's face and rushed over, eyes wide with disbelief. "Holy shit, Lin Jianyuan, you didn't take out a loan from a loan shark just to show off, did you?!"

Lin Jianyuan: "No, no, nothing like that…"

Qin Shi said, "Doesn't have to be a loan shark, maybe he found himself a sugar mama! Didn't he meet some rich lady at a wedding last time? Even called her poodle his cousin!"

Lin Jianyuan: "??"

What? When did that happen? Did that even happen?!

Lin Jianyuan froze for a second, then remembered.

Key word: wedding banquet.

Wedding, rich auntie, poodle cousin…

Lin Jianyuan recalled that pink-bubble-filled dinner and burst out laughing.

"Alright, I'll stop pretending." Lin Jianyuan coughed and said seriously, "I was lying just now. The rich kid stuff was all made up."

Everyone: "…"

Pity and sympathy were brewing fast!

Lin Jianyuan cut them off, "—But I really did find my soulmate. That part is absolutely true."

Everyone: "?!"

So you really did end up with that auntie who could eat eight king crab legs in a minute?!

Jiang Chen: "…"

This lunatic just never shuts up with his nonsense!

Jiang Chen ground his teeth, but there was nothing he could do about this maniac.

After all, Lin Jianyuan hadn't actually done anything except hand out money to everyone (except him).

Even if he called the cops, there was no reason to arrest him.

And what if, by some tiny chance, Lin Jianyuan really was rich now?

What if he really did have a business proposal?

Jiang Chen could already picture it: he kicks Lin Jianyuan out, Lin Jianyuan runs to headquarters to complain, and the higher-ups find new ways to make his life hell…

Lin Jianyuan, you bastard!

You've even learned how to bait people into trouble!

Good thing I'm smart!

I'm not falling for it!

Jiang Chen was seething, but powerless.

He could only slink back to his own office.

Bang!

He slammed the door.

But the glass door only blocked the view.

The soundproofing was so bad, it couldn't block out the laughter and chatter from downstairs.

Irritated, Jiang Chen opened up Candy Crush.

First floor.

There were way too many frogs. While his frog-catcher did its thing, Lin Jianyuan chatted with his old coworkers.

As they talked, the conversation shifted to hair.

Yeah.

For some reason, everyone suddenly started focusing on Lin Jianyuan's hair.

"Not working really is the cure for everything," Su Zhiwei sighed. "Lin Jianyuan, you look so much better now! Your hair's thicker, too! It's only been a few days since you quit, but you look a hundred years younger!"

Qin Shi said, "It's not that his hair's thick—it's that we're going bald."

She said it with tears in her eyes, mixing up a bowl of black sesame paste.

Lin Jianyuan saw the huge tub of sesame paste on her desk, and the health pot stuffed with black beans, black sesame, goji berries, and who knows what else. He couldn't help but say, "Sesame's fine, but go easy on the paste. It's loaded with sugar and starch, not great for your blood sugar."

Qin Shi immediately put the sesame paste down.

And started chugging her weird black-bean-black-sesame-black-something health tea instead.

But Lin Jianyuan's eye twitched.

There was a small patch on Qin Shi's scalp that was nearly bald.

Not quite bald, but her hair was thinning so badly you could see her scalp at a glance.

At first glance, you'd think someone had dragged her across the floor by her hair.

"So, Lin Jianyuan, besides quitting your job, do you have any hair-loss prevention tips?"

Su Zhiwei grabbed a pen and pretended it was a microphone, holding it out to Lin Jianyuan.

His shiny forehead was proof enough that his hairline was in full retreat—and he was desperate.

Lin Jianyuan said, "Go to bed early? Fall in love? Say good morning and good night to your beloved every day?"

Su Zhiwei: "…"

Everyone: "…"

Su Zhiwei snapped, "Go to hell, you rich, love-struck bastard! I won't let you be richer than me, have more hair than me, and have a wife on top of it!"

Lin Jianyuan: "~~"

Meanwhile, in the second-floor office.

Jiang Chen sat at his desk, staring at his stuck level on Candy Crush.

He was furiously scratching his head.

The more he scratched, the more hair came out.

Jiang Chen: "???!!!"

Jiang Chen was horrified.

He immediately ordered a giant tub of sesame paste.

Suddenly, Lin Jianyuan looked up.

Dense. Swarming.

Something was moving, packed tight.

Like rows of black sesame seeds, marching into Jiang Chen's office.

Like ants moving house.

—Carrying out countless strands of hair.

"Lin Jianyuan, what are you looking at?" squish toy, always watching him closely, was the first to notice something was off. "Is something wrong?"

Lin Jianyuan said, "I think I just saw black sesame seeds stealing hair."

All the little toys: "?"

The coworkers, who were always watching Lin Jianyuan: "???"

They knew it—Lin Jianyuan was as crazy as ever!

"But they're only stealing Jiang Chen's hair, so it's fine," Lin Jianyuan said cheerfully.

Everyone relaxed when they heard that.

Black sesame seeds stealing hair? That would be insane!

But if it's Jiang Chen's hair?

Oh, then it's fine. Haha.

"Reporting in, Boss!"

Angel Eyeball grabbed Abyssal Mouth and fluttered back to Lin Jianyuan.

"All the frogs nearby are caught, except for the room upstairs with the closed door!"

Abyssal Mouth burped.

Lin Jianyuan looked up and realized Angel Eyeball meant Jiang Chen's office.

That idiot Jiang Chen had gone upstairs and shut the door, so Angel Eyeball couldn't get in.

Lin Jianyuan said to everyone, "Alright, time's almost up. Get back to work, or you'll end up working overtime again!"

Pei Shuo asked reluctantly, "Bro, are you leaving already?"

But Qin Shi said, "Doesn't matter if we're busy or not, we'll still have to work overtime. That idiot Jiang Chen just announced another meeting after work. We had one at lunch, now he wants an emergency meeting tonight. Meetings, meetings, meetings—what the hell could there possibly be to talk about?!"

Lin Jianyuan went along with it. "I'll go talk to him."

Everyone perked up, curious. "How?"

Lin Jianyuan rolled up his sleeves. "With reason, of course."

Everyone immediately looked at him with anticipation.

Alright, alright, let's see a madman reason with people!

Nice!

Lin Jianyuan quietly turned on his terminal alarm, confirmed there wasn't a single frog left on the first floor, and headed upstairs.

He knocked on Jiang Chen's office door. Jiang Chen's annoyed voice came from inside: "Who is it!"

Lin Jianyuan replied politely, "Boss Jiang, it's me. I have a few things I'd like to say to you."

Jiang Chen instantly deflated, sounding like a balloon losing air. "Oh, it's you."

Lin Jianyuan: "I'll leave as soon as I'm done."

Jiang Chen immediately came to open the door.

Beep.

As soon as the door opened, his terminal started beeping again.

"C-class Aberrant derivative detected: [Frog Rain]!"

Lin Jianyuan entered with his automatic toys, and the frog-catcher got to work.

Jiang Chen eyed him warily, up and down. "What do you want?"

Lin Jianyuan stared at his throat. "Boss Jiang, you talk so much crap your throat's become a frog incubator. Ribbit, ribbit, frogs spraying everywhere. Good thing I've got my eyeball and big mouth on frog-catching duty, or you'd have driven the whole building insane by now."

Impressive.

His ability to talk nonsense was reaching new heights.

He even made it rhyme.

Jiang Chen: "????"

Unbelievable! Lin Jianyuan was losing it again!!!

Why!

Why did Lin Jianyuan hand out red envelopes to everyone else—

—but go nuts only at him?!

Jiang Chen was on the verge of tears. The more he thought about Lin Jianyuan's bizarre words, the more creeped out he felt.

He quickly said, "Got it, got it! Are you done? If you're done, just go!"

Lin Jianyuan: "Promise you won't take away everyone's break time with meetings again."

Jiang Chen: "I promise!"

Lin Jianyuan: "Put it in writing!"

Jiang Chen: "…"

Jiang Chen was either going to die of fright or rage. All he wanted was to get rid of this lunatic, so he gave in, "Fine, fine, I'll write it!"

Lin Jianyuan gave a hero's smile.

Once he had Jiang Chen's written promise, Lin Jianyuan said, "Jiang Chen, remember this."

Jiang Chen snapped, "What?! What else?!"

Lin Jianyuan: "Doesn't matter what—just remember."

Jiang Chen was about to lose his mind. "What! What the hell do you want me to remember?!"

Help! Is he really supposed to remember this stupid promise?

No, Lin Jianyuan must be insane! He doesn't even work here anymore, why does he care about meetings?!

What's the point of a written promise? Is he going to come back and beat him up if he breaks it?

Wait.

Lin Jianyuan really is crazy!

He's a lunatic!!!

This lunatic just might come back and beat him up!!!

Jiang Chen was in despair.

Having successfully broken Jiang Chen's spirit, Lin Jianyuan felt great and got ready to leave.

The frogs were all caught. Time to call it a day.

The source of the frogs was taken care of—just the other floors left to clean up.

Speaking of which, why was this Aberrant called Frog Rain?

Is it because it evaporates in sunlight?

That is pretty "rain"-like…

Lin Jianyuan hummed a tune as he left Jiang Chen's office, feeling good.

Jiang Chen: "…"

He watched Lin Jianyuan finally walk away and breathed a sigh of relief.

But remembering the humiliation he'd just endured,

Jiang Chen started scratching at his hair again, annoyed.

Lin Jianyuan paused in his tracks.

Snap—crack. Snap—crack. Snap—crack.

Rows of black sesame seeds, marching like army ants, carried strands of hair past him.

Past his boots. Past the crack under the door.

Down the stairs, flowing out of sight.

Lin Jianyuan frowned, glancing suspiciously at his mobile terminal.

Nothing.

This time, there was no alarm at all.